http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021295.html

Tall thug to another: Yo,... I love jail food!

--Times Square

Overheard by: Never had it

Dad to overly excited daughter: Yes, you can tell your mom you went in the bouncy castle in front of the prison.

--Atlantic & Smith

Screaming four-year-old to mom: Are you going to put me in jail?

--Q Train

Young mother to baby, pinching his cheeks: Daddy's in prison! Prisonprisonprisonprisonprison!

--Jackson Heights, Queens

Overheard by: Giving up all hope Newsbunny

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021294.html

Ponytailed girl on cell, excitedly: Maybe you have, like, bacterial vaginosis or something! Yeah! That would explain it. No, you don't wanna smell like cinnamon down there, cinnamon toast crotch!

--86th & Lexington

Girl, walking onto stinky train car: Oh, shit, yo! It smells like a whole mess of hot ass up in this piece.

--L Train

Loud singing teen, stopping in mid-song: Damn! Somebody smell like soup!

--F Train

Overheard by: bpm

Smelly woman on elevator: I'ma kick that man's butt. I don't smell that strong!

--Office Building, Harlem

Overheard by: Liz

Man: This place smells like venereal disease!

--Port Authority Subway Tunnel

Overheard by: Courtney

Guy on cell: Who knows what I can do now that I don't smell like dogshit. The sky is the limit. (pause) Yeah, no more living in fear!

--27th & 5th

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021293.html

Theater geek: So I was looking at auditions for this post-apocalyptic drama, and the ad said, "we're looking for men, all shapes and sizes. Actually no, you have to be ridiculously skinny, totally emaciated, on the verge of death. And... oh yeah, you have to have stringy hair. And be really bony. And my dad said, "you definitely need to try out for this!"

--TKTS Booth, Times Square

Overheard by: Not Emaciated

Guy: No, I didn't do the graphics--I mean, the play's about Adam and Eve, but do they put naked people on the postcard to sell tickets? No, they have a cartoon of an apple. I don't understand.

--Minetta Lane Theater

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Bathroom attendant at West Side Story: C'mon, people! Short line, long intermission! (toilet flushes) Hear that? That's music to somebody's bladder!

--Palace Theatre

Overheard by: Maggie

Audience member, at interval of Aida: Hey, this is better than Grease!

--Metropolitan Opera

Disgruntled usher: I swear by every god of Jupiter that these are your seats.

--The Ambassador Theatre, 49th & Broadway

Overheard by: The Moons of Jupiter Were Already Spoken For

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021292.html

Guy: Oh, man! It is not a good day to be my underwear!

--Wine Store, 75th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Raven

10-year-old to little brother: Hey! C'mere! You wanna play Captain Underpants?

--Brooklyn

Overheard by: dogboy

Guy on cell: I'm not paying her to smell your underwear!

--57th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lagsalot

Loud older gentleman watching people at subway entrance: They don't wear brassieres anymore!

--23rd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Zombie Boyfriend

Older lady in funeral procession behind bag piper wearing kilt: I looked. He's wearing underpants.

--120th & Broadway

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021291.html

Lady on cell: She must have been humiliated by the parade of wives!

--Broadway & 72nd

Man to friend: Whenever I want to fuck my wife, she doesn't want to. But when I can't, she always wants to. I think she does it out of spite.

--12th St

(Elton John's Rocketman playing on radio) "I miss the Earth so much... I miss my wife..."
Barista: You don't miss your wife, Elton. You're gay!

--Small Coffee Shop, SoHo

Midget handing out fliers: Who likes comedy? (to man in striped shirt) Hey, do you like comedy? I like striped shirts, let's work something out here!
(man keeps walking)
Midget, yelling after him: No wonder your wife doesn't love you!

--Union Square Subway

30-something guy: Dude, that's so rude. Plus, she's going to be your wife soon, so you've got to stop calling her that.

--Hell's Kitchen

http://www.scarygoround.com/index.php?date=20091230

http://www.foundmagazine.com/find/13158

http://www.foundmagazine.com/find/14318

http://xkcd.com/682/

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021290.html

Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.

--A Train

Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?

--Halloween Adventure

Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!

--35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria

Overheard by: kathcom

Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!

--Downtown 6 Train

Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.

--Downtown 6 train

Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!

--NJ Transit

Overheard by: J. Ra

Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.

--Soho

Overheard by: Edan

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021289.html

Girl #1: So what did you say to your roommate?
Boy: I told her she was a fucking slut!
Girl #2: Isn't your roommate your girlfriend?
Boy: Sort of.

--Astor Place

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021288.html

Attractive 20-something man: Do you want me to sleep over tonight?
Attractive 20-something woman: Yes, but only if you put your penis in my vagina.
Attractive 20-something man: You've got yourself a deal.

--36th & 5th

Overheard by: lola

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021287.html

Mother to bouncing daughter: No, you can not look in that window! Do you want to be a Peeping Tom?
Daughter: Let me see! Let me see!

--Redhook, Brooklyn

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021286.html

Guy #1: Can you believe this guy was texting his drug dealer when he hit a guy on a bicycle?
Guy #2: To be fair, that could of happened to any of us.
Guy #1: I don't text that much.

--57th & Lexington

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021285.html

Drunk freshman #1: Dude, work was awful today. Usually I just sit there and drink, today I had to actually do shit. It was bad.
Drunk freshman #2, earnestly: Yo, that sucks dick, man!

--Columbia University

Overheard by: Janine

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021284.html

White volunteer tutor from Princeton: So imagine I'm trying out for the basketball team...
Black student #1: You play basketball?
Black student #2: Do you play tennis?
Black student #1: That's racist!

--Public High School, Queens

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021283.html

20-something hipster girl #1: What's up with that girl you used to live with?
20-something hipster girl #2: Well, it's not like I still talk to her... She won't add me on Facebook.
20-something hipster girl #1: Why not?!
20-something hipster girl #2: She tried to kill me!

--M86 Bus

Overheard by: emily darwin

http://www.foundmagazine.com/find/14286

http://www.foundmagazine.com/find/14290

http://www.scarygoround.com/index.php?date=20091229

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021282.html

Girl: So why didn't your dad like Giuliani again?
Boy: I think it was the casual fascism.

--72nd St & West End

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021281.html

Girl #1: Ohmigod! I just saw a cockroach.
Girl #2: Ew! Goddammit, I don't want to have to leave, this pizza is really good!
Girl #1: The roach had wings, so that means it came in from outside and this place isn't necessarily roach-infested.
Girl #2: But it could be.
Girl #1: For the purposes of us enjoying this awesome pizza, it isn't.
Girl #2, as girl #1 continues eating her pizza: And that is what psychologists call "rationalization".

--Pizza Place, 31st St

Overheard by: An A+ in psychology, an F in life

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021280.html

Guy: Yo girl, I gotta song for you.
Girl: Okay. What you got?
Guy, beginning to beat-box: You a five-star bitch, I got a five-star dick...
Girl: Hahahaha.
Guy: Eight inches long and just as thick...
Girl: What!? Hold up!

--W. 110th & Malcom X

Overheard by: The Music Man

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021279.html

Animated blonde salesgirl: If you get the apple pomegranate body butter...
Weary brunette: I only see the display.
Animated blonde salesgirl: We have more in the back. Okay, well, if you get two or more products from the bath line, like this and our shower gel, you get a free bathtub!
Weary brunette: Huh?
(animated blonde salesgirl points to a little plastic bathtub)
Weary brunette: That's... tiny. Like, I love the scent but I'm afraid I don't have any kittens or fetuses to bathe in that tiny tiny tub.

--Sephora, Times Square

http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=516

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http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021278.html

Religious woman preaching while holding a bible: Prayer heals everything.
Black man, looking tired after a hard day at work: No, it don't!

--DeKalb Ave

Overheard by: Becky Z-Dub

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021277.html

Very loud woman: He don't wanna marry me, I'm crazy!
Woman sitting next: Ha ha... (then quietly) I know.

--Penn Station

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021276.html

Ghetto-fabulous girl #1: Oh my god! I love this floor. It is so nice. And the people. They are so beautiful, every one of them!
Ghetto-fabulous girl #2: Mmm-hmm! And they dress so good--all professional.
Ghetto-fabulous girl #1: Damn! I bet they've got health insurance and shit!

--41st St & Madison

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021275.html

Lady screaming at boyfriend: No! You don't understand I already tried my card that way? It's not working!
Guy walking by to girlfriend: Wow, that sounds like us!

--63rd St

http://www.scarygoround.com/index.php?date=20091228

http://xkcd.com/681/

http://www.foundmagazine.com/find/13846

http://www.foundmagazine.com/find/14317

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021274.html

Woman to stylish man walking past: You look like a designer!
Man: Thanks.
Woman: Are you a designer?
Man, about five feet past: Kind of.

--Houston & Ludlow

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021273.html

Older black man: How's you mother?
20-something white man: She died in January.
Older black man: I'm very sorry to hear that.
20-something white man: Thanks. She left me her rent-controlled apartment!

--Montague Street, Brooklyn Heights

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021272.html

Girl: So I don't steal from privately owned places and shit, I steal from like CVS.
Guy: The funniest thing I ever stole was a five-dollar finger vibrator.
Girl, excited: Did it work?
Guy: Yeah, it was the shit! You can borrow it anytime.

--NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Mika

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021271.html

Guy #1: What did you do with her after dinner?
Guy #2: We went back to my place for game of "just the tip."

--4th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Aussieguy

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021270.html

Aspiring street musician: Hey, lady! Wanna buy my CD?
Lady: Nope! That shit's rap and I only like R&B!
Aspiring street musician: Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn't be outside with your pussy smelling like that!

--Outside Macy's

Overheard by: Nick Spiller

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021269.html

Dad to seven-year-old: Do you want to see 2012?
Seven-year-old: God, no. Who directed it? Michael Bay?

--Regal Theater, 14th St

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021268.html

Group of friends, singing: Tell me more! Tell me more!
Soloist: Did she poop on your face?

--19th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Lotte